Saturday, April 22, 2006
Ytd was my last day in nera.. had mixed feelings abt it.. was kinda excited yet at the same time sad.. excited cos I cant wait to see my colleagues reaction esp apples on receiving the small token sincerely frm mi.. as for the sad part, I believe no further explanation is needed..
b4 I slept at abt 4am, I msg angel. So at abt 730am, she replied mi.. I was getting ready to go to work so din chk my phone.. I oni saw the miss calls and msgs when I abt to leave my hse at abt 8am.. she was so kan chiong.. she thot I haven woke up so she called and msged mi mani times..I immediately replied her and told her I on the way out le.. she said I scared her.. haha..
when i was on the bus, received a msg frm Jodie,, she said she nt cuming..takin half day morning leave.. I was rather delighted cos it means tt I can haf no govt.. i would be allowed the freedom to do the things tt i haf to accomplish within the last 3 hrs or so I haf in the office.. for example taking pics and giving out prezzies.. hehe
anyway i wore a new set of clothes to work ytd.. its a pinkish tank top and a light purple skirt which I lyk a lot.. purposely save it so tt I could wear it on the last day.. I reached the office at 835am.. angel reached at abt 825am, she was stunned cos oni may was ard and all the lights werent even on yet..haha to mi its a common sight alr but cos she nv tried gg to work so early, so she doesnt knoe.. she came so earli cos we had agreed to meet earli the day b4.. she had to help mi settle down my nervousness as well as to help mi see if the cookies are wrapped presentably..
bun was so irritating.. juz as I stepped in, she made a comment saying this gal (referring to angel) is crazy, cum so earli to wait for mi.. cant rmb the exact words but the meaning is there,, I din reply but I juz shrugged it off with a laugh.. so angel came over and I showed her the cookies.. I meant to gib everybody a surprise de but tt bun super KPO.. walked over and peeped into my paper bag.. Zzzzz.. wateva.. since I oni gib her for he sake of giving.. I actually oni meant to gib 5 ppl.. but scared ltr the rest see, lyk nt v nice so I juz gib all tt I knoe.. Zzzzz..
after giving angel the sweet little box of cookies, i sought her advise as to whether to gib the cookies when most of the ppl has reached or juz gib whoeva hu arrived.. we decided on the latter.. I gave veron 1st, followed by sharon, joyce, ai hwa and so on.. then at ard 905am, desmond, the one sitting beside apple walked in,, i asked angel whether I shld wait for apple to come den gib tog or gib desmond 1st.. she said gib 1st so tt ltr when I go n gib apple, he wun look ma.. I thot it sound very logical so I went ahead.. haha..
apple showed up shortly after.. but I din go up to him.. I gave out the cookies to everyone else except him..haha.. I duno wat I was waiting for also.. guess I needed to pluck up courage 1st.. mayb its cos of the msg in the card tts making mi hesitate.. den the stupid persis came to mi and ask mi to retrieve one customer po for her.. din really knoe where Jodie kept it so I said I will try ah.. went to sit at jodies desk and began to flip the files.. according to angel, apple did bio mi when I was there ah.. haha angel said gt chance and I was pretty happi..
anyway as usual, he went missing shortly after.. he was in the pantry with a few others for a rather long time.. tink abt an hr or so.. as a result, I din haf the chance to gib him my ai xin bing gan..
time seem to pass SUPER FAST ytd morning.. by the time he came back again, its alr 11am.. angel was urging mi to go and gib him the cookies and asked him to take pic.. she kept saying no time.. celine n leen was msg-ing mi asking mi abt the progress and whether I took pics le ma.. both angel and leen was so assertive.. they kept "forcing" mi to go..haha.. at tt point in time, the aircon was freezing mi, plus I was very nervous so i was shivering.. I told angel I shall go down n walk 1 round, gib maran and shanta the cookies 1st.. by the time I go back, I would be more warmed up ma..
but angel was so fierce.. she kept saying no time liaoz.. she stared at mi summore.. haha.. I din care so much, juz headed downstairs..haha.. went to marans room to gib him the cookies 1st b4 gg to the recept to look for shanta.. guess wat? Juz as I haf given shanta the cookies and abt to leave, apple walked in.. apparently he was looking for shanta too.. he smiled at mi.. I smiled back.. den I tried to make my exit when shanta said "thanks dear" loudly.. haha.. so paiseh.. so funni.. wanna siam him yet still met him downstairs.. lol.. fated? I dunno..
anyway I went upstairs aft tt.. need to write down all those pending stuff so tt when I leave, jodie will knoe wat to follow up and where to take over.. used tt as an excuse for nt gg to apple and asked him to take pic.. guess wat again? Unexpectedly, a msn window popped up.. saw his display pic and I was shocked.. I quickly told angel and she asked mi to ask thru msn den..
him: "thot u gg to sch?"
mii: "ya.. leaving soon..at abt 12pm.."
him: "haha.. icic.. I thot in the morning.."
mii: "no la..i thot I told u in the afternoon.."
mii: "so how? Wanna take pic nt?"
him: "dun wan lah.."
zzzz.. kena reject.. din reply him for a while.. told angel wat he said.. angel din wana gib up so she asked mi to try again.. I was reluctant but I did anyway..
mii: "y liddat? Haha my last day alr lehx.."
him: "haha.. mai lah.."
sianzzzz.. kena rejected 2nd time.. din reply him again.. angel was frustrated at him.. she even said wanna go n force him to take.. she is indeed a gd fren.. she truly deeply felt for mi.. I was sad and disappointed but she was even more depressed than I was.. she came over and sat at my desk.. for a moment, i thot she was abt to cry le.. haiz.. I said forget it la.. alr so malu kena rejected 2 times liaoz.. dun wan take den dun take lor.. summore I alr asked.. nt tt I din even try.. so no regrets on our part? Hmmm..
shortly after.. he walked out of the office with ken and bobby.. tts it.. i thot they were gg for lunch.. I haven even pass him the cookies! Zzzz.. true enough, by the time I gotta leave, he wasnt back yet.. no choice, I went to his desk and left the cookies as well as 2 choco marshmallows besides his laptop.. angel still refused to gib up! she said call bobby for lunch den mayb apple might go too.. so I said okie lor, no harm trying if she is so persistent..
she tried calling a few times, nobody picked up.. haha.. I told her say nvm la.. lets juz go ba.. b4 leaving.. veron, bun, sharon gave mi a hug.. we took some pics tog.. supposed to leave the office at 1145am else I sure late.. in the end, it was 12pm when we were done with photo taking.. haha.. so hurriedly, angel and I dashed for the door..
another surprise again.. she was totally stunned when she pushed open the door.. cos apple, bob n ken were juz standing outside, smoking n chatting I guess.. I was lyk sum auntie ah.. cos I was carrying my own bag plus 1 big plastic bag and 1 paper bag.. it contains the prezzie tt I received from some of them as well as the extra cookies tt I haf prepared..
angel was darn cute la.. she still dun wan to gib up the idea.. she tried to ask bob to help us take pics.. Zzzzz.. i cant rmb wat I said.. we din take pics, angel asked bob to join us for lunch, bearing some hope tt apple will come along.. to our disappointment, he din.. he even said bye to bob.. Zzzzz..
angel was pissed off.. along the way, I could see her sadness, disappointments and frustration.. haiz.. I wasnt feeling any beta.. by the time we reached the mkt, it was 1215pm.. I cant afford to stay too long.. by 1230pm muz ciao else cfm late for tt stupid & time wasting ks briefing.. by the time veron, sharon n steven joined us, I haf alr finished the bai guo fu zu tt I was eating.. b4 their food came, I alr made my leave.. "take care" & "gdbyes" were exchanged.. and so I left..
when I was on the bus, thots of wat happened earlier on kept flashin past my mind.. as I tinked n tinked.. my heart became very cheng zhong.. felt very low and down.. felt as if tears could roll down any moment.. but I held on.. I couldnt possibly cry in front of so mani ppl..
during the journey, I msg celine, leen and xq.. I told them tt I failed to get a pic of him n mi tog.. sorrie to disappoint them cos I knoe they were anticipating eagerly lyk mi.. they din really asked much.. they juz said its ok.. theres always a next time n stuff liddat..
halfway thru.. received a msg frm angel.. she said she knoe I sure very sad but dun sad for too long.. she asked mi to enjoy the orientation.. she was being really sweet n nice I knoe.. but I replied her sayin I m really very sad plus i dun even feel lyk gg in the 1st place so cant possibly enjoy de..
we sms summore.. she was trying to console mi and cheer mi up.. though it din really worked but I appreciate her intention.. den she said she will update mi on apple.. really thk her for tt.. but the main concern tt I had ytd was his reaction upon seeing the cookies and whether he ate them, left it in the office or brought back home.. she promised to help mi keep a lookout and update mi.. ANGEL, I M VERY THANKFUL FOR ALL U DID!!
den all of a sudden, she told mi she was crying and sharon saw her.. she din noe wat excuse to cook up and she cant off her tap.. I was super shocked cos all the smses b4 tt sound very normal.. she even took on the role of comforting mi.. so I din detect anyting.. ANGEL, SORRY FOR BEING SO TOOT..DIN REALISE TT U WASNT FEELING OK TOO.. INSTEAD I JUZ CARRIED ON WITH MY WHININGS!! I APOLOGIZE FOR MY INSENSITIVITY! I swear I m normally very observant n sensitive de.. guess I was too contained in my own feelings.. tts y I neglected the feelings of u..
so I called her as soon as I saw her msg.. but lyk I guessed.. she din picked up the call.. I bombarded her with 2 or 3 smses at one go.. I wanted to show my concern.. I wanted to knoe the real reason as to y she was crying.. i was making wild guesses.. she did tell mi tt she v sad n disappointed tt I couldnt take pic wif apple.. so 1st ting tt crossed my mind was tt she cried over mi..
anyway I called her soon aft I sent the sms.. she finalli picked up.. i felt more relieved.. so i asked whether she was still hiding herself in the toilet.. asked if she was feeling ok, asked her y she crying n so on.. she very funni lor.. tears rolling down her cheeks yet she can stil laughed and scolded mi.. she said I very tao yan, she was juz abt to walk out when I called.. I triggered her tears again.. she is the kind tt once the tap is open, there is no way of closing it.. I witnessed it once myself when I was still workin there.. she cried after receiving a phonecall.. we talked a while more b4 hanging up.. I missed my bus as a result.. haha.. was on the dot when I reached sch..
I sms-ed her again after a while to reconfirm if she was ok alr.. whether she continued to do her work alr.. she told mi bob n veron msn her to ask her y she cried ah.. they showed their concern.. but she din wanna tell them so she juz thk them n said nth else.. veron stopped asking but bob continued.. haha kok him la.. the more he asked, the more angel dun wana say n the more she wana cry..
3 plus.. she sms-ed mi.. she told mi marshmallows and cookies are still on the desk untouched.. I super sian.. damn afraid tt he will leave it there when he go off.. angel say if he left it there and go before her, she will go n steal it away to make him anxious.. haha.. so cuteeee.. den I updated her on my briefin also..
I nearly dozed off cos it was so bloody boring.. James, the KS consultant in charge was askin qns but din get much response so he decided to on the lights.. he was randomly picking names to ans his qn.. i was so darn suay.. I din pay attention cos the office happenings was constantly in my mind plus I was sleepy.. so when I was called, I said softly: "whats the qn again ah?" so malu lor.. he knew I wasnt payin attention.. haha.. I anyhow crap an ans.. he gave mi a mini m&m.. zzzzzzzz.. tt woke mi up.. started to take note of wat he was saying aft tt..
the whole thing ended at abt 5pm.. supposed to meet celine for dinner.. she was having orientation till 6pm.. so I sat outside the library and waited for her.. angel sms-ed mi at ard 605pm.. she told mi tt apple brought home the things..all gone.. haha I was happi obviously.. den she said he will definitely msn mi to thk mi.. I dun wanna pin too much hope cos fri nite ma.. he might nt be home so earli.. as the old saying goes: the higher the hope, the greater the disappointment.. summore everytime I expect him to msn mi, he din.. when I nt waiting for him to talk to him, he will.. so din wanna tink too much.. I doubt I can handle so mani disappointments in a day..
din had proper food since thurs morning.. was feeling kinda hungry alr.. waited for celine for abt 2 n a half hrs!! zzzzzzz.. from no rain to light drizzle to heavy downpour to light rain and drizzle again..it was the 1st time I waited for sumbody for so long! If I knew earlier tt her orientation would drag so long, I wouldnt haf waited.. I wasnt exactly in the best of mood, I tink even if u put shark fins or abalone in front of mi, I also wun haf the appetite.. summore my left eye was pissing mi off.. damn painful till I was forced to take out my lenses halfway during dinner..
we had crystal jade.. celine treated mi as a form of compensation cos I waited for so long.. in return, I treated her coffeebean after dinner.. we took a cab home.. as I was blind without lenses and specs, she long pang mi home 1st.. CELINE, THKS A MILLION FOR BEING SO NICE TO ME! If nt I might haf been abducted by sum nasty cab driver.. haha.. I managed to reach home safely with celines escort.. kekeke..
as usual, I on my laptop b4 gg to bathe.. though my eyes were hurting lyk crazy, I cant help but sit in front of the com.. I was harboring sum hope tt he might be online.. tt he might msn mi to chat 1st.. he wasnt online..oh well, of cos I was a little disappointed but juz as well, I could go rest my eyes earli..
juz as I wana shut down liao, he came online.. haha.. it didnt take too long b4 his msn window popped up.. as expected, he thk mi for the marshmallow and cookies.. I said dun mention it cos its nth ma.. den he gave mi a smiley face..
mii: "Friday nite nv go n chiong meh?"
him: "nope..juz finished my CG meeting"
mii: "wats CG?"
him: "cell grp.. church thingy.."
mii: "ooo cell grp.. I knoe wat tt is.."
him: "yes.."
sickening.. Nth to say.. So..
mii: "so sian.."
him: "y?"
him: "come n gimmi a massage lah" (zzzzzz.. shld haf known beta)
mii: "cos bored lor.."
mii: "u everytime ask so late.. zzz"
him: "nt late mah..haha"
I din realli wanna go.. so cooked up more excuses.. haha
mii: "once I took out my contact lenses I m nt stepping out of the hse.. haha"
him: "I lyk gals in specs" dunno wat he is trying to hint.. (juz rmb tt my rival jess wore specs! kaoz)
mii: "whaha.. even if they looked lyk geeks in specs?"
him: "yep"
mii: "haha.. so all ur gfs wore specs?"
him: "yeah"
.
.
.
him: "bored.."
mii: "wat ya doing?"
him: "waitin for ya to come n gimme massage lor"
mii: "no lei.. u nv take pic w mi so no massage liao.."
him: "come over and take now lor ;P"
mii: "den y in office dun wanna take?"
him: "gt ppl mah.."
I tried to sound him out as to whether he staying alone or staying with parents.. so I said..
mii: "now ur hse nobody meh?"
him: "parents slping mah.."
mii: "orh"
mii: "brb" din knoe how to handle, plus leen called so juz said tt..
him: ";)"
him: "so how?"
I was still talking on the phone.. so din reply him.. after leen hang up, I called angel and told her abt it.. need my advisor to teach mi how to handle him.. haha.. so she taught mi how to reply..
mii: "back"
him: "front" he was lamin wif mi at this pt in time..
mii: "centre" I lamed wif him too..
him: "right"
mii: "haha.. v lame lehx.."
him: "so I will nv gt my massage rite?"
mii: "haha.. wat will I gt in return? =P"
him: "wat u wan? A massage in return?"
at this point.. I feel tt we r kinda crossing the line again.. sound as if we r suggesting smth notti.. zzzzz.. but still angel asked mi to play along..
mii: "anyting beta than tt?"
him: "wat do u haf in mind?"
mii: "wat do u haf to offer?"
him: "Myself"
his direct ans amazed mi.. I din noe wat he implying.. does he meant it in the pure way or does he meant it the notti way.. of cos I hope its the former rather than the latter..
mii: "as in?"
him: "up to u lor"
I paused for a long while.. I din noe wat to tink.. neither do I knoe how to react and reply him.. seeing tt I nv replied, he asked again..
him: "how?"
mii: "I duno wat to say lei.."
him: "y? juz say wat u wan in return lor.. haha"
more pauses frm mi.. I din reply again.. so he put a qn mark after a while..
mii: "gotta tink ma..haha"
him: "ok"
after another long pause..
him: "falling asleep.."
I din reply so shortly after, he went offline at almost 2am liaoz.. hmmm.. I seriously duno wat he trying to imply.. IT WAS THE 3RD TIME HE WAS ASKING FOR A MASSAGE LE.. I m beginning to wonder whether he has ulterior motive or he purely juz wan a massage frm mi.. though angel n leen was sayin tt he might b dangerous cos he might wan smth else frm mi.. but celine was saying he prob meant it as a joke.. juz "playing" din mean anyting serious.. I really dun wish to believe tt he is such a person.. u might say tt I m naive and stubborn.. but still unless he told mi straight in the face tt he wanted ***, else I wun believe tt he is such a guy ah..
but last nite, angel was telling mi wat she tinks abt the situation.. she was rather direct.. she said tt this apple is a poisonous n rotten one.. he might juz be interested in my b**y than anyting else.. wat I need is sweet n pure love but wat he wans is juz passionate s** life.. these words remained vivid in my mind.. upon reading all these.. I felt tt I haf been dealt with NTH but PROBABLY THE CRUEL TRUTH.. my heart sank.. all of a sudden, I felt tt I haf been pulled down to earth with a thud.. all my bubbles had been burst.. I was damn sad.. xin hen suan hen suan.. tears juz rolled down my cheeks unknowingly.. I couldnt help it..
at tt instant, I realized smth.. he is no longer juz a crush to mi.. I tink I prob reali lyks him.. cos he is the 1st guy I shed my tears for.. so far he is the oni one hu made mi feel so strongly.. for those hu knoe mi well shld know abt my weird prob.. he is the oni one hu din made mi fan gan or causes mi to retreat de.. so I really cant bear to tink tt its gonna be over juz liddat.. the more I tink, the more cheng zhong my heart was.. the more I couldnt ctrl my tears.. haiz..
I had the urge to bombard apple with all the burning qns I haf.. I wanna ask him juz wat does he want frm mi.. I wanna knoe y he kept diao-ing my wei kou.. I even had a silly thot which is to accept his invitation and go to his hse.. den can I prove his intention in askin mi to go over so tt I can save the trouble of tinking n guessing.. its really very very miserable.. very very tong ku.. and if he really is the wolf in sheeps clothing, I can gib up any little hopes I still harbor.. but if he isnt tt guy of person.. my mind n heart can stop struggling..
mum came to wake mi up earli in the morning.. she gg my aunties hse.. she asked if I wanna go.. but I didnt wan to.. I din haf the mood to do anyting basically.. had a bad nite so I continued slping.. when I woke up, thots of him came into my mind again.. all those words said last nite all flashed across my mind.. once again, tears rolled down.. I cant believe myself either.. I m actually so affected by him.. to worsen my plight, the stupid radio was airing melancholic songs continuously.. zzzzz needless to say, it triggered my tears AGAIN.. awwwwww.. sobz sobz
I haven had chance to consult my other advisor, alex yet.. wanna hear his point of view.. he might speak up for him since he is a guy too.. mayb he will shared the same viewpoint as mi.. mayb just mayb he will reassure mi tt this is nth, this is normal..
Let love be the one to knock at ur door ♥♥♥
♥♥♥ True love is worth waiting for
4/22/2006 02:05:00 PM
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